As most other like-minded people I have not paid Paris Hilton much attention over the years. Perfume, The Simple Life, Gossip – no thanks.

About 6 months ago I was vegging out in front of the TV. Flicking, hoping, drifting and then… My prayers were answered, I had found something special.

At first glance I was confused and then disgusted, denial followed and then, I feel in love.

Paris Hilton’s Best Friend Forever (BFF)

At the end of each episode I had not only wet my pants, but had shat myself, swallowed some sick and filled my sweaty socks to the brim with some wet hot soaking cum.  Yes. It is that good.

12 young aspirational socialites, who idealise Paris Hilton in every which way, live, eat and piddle together. They complete oh so difficult challenges in a bid to strive for the top, impress Paris and fuck everyone else over along the way.

To qualify as a contestant -

Mental Retardation isn’t an option, it is essential. Being about 14 helps. And you have to adopt one of three personalities – ‘Overly Sensitive’ (cry baby), ‘Slut’, or ‘Keeping it Real’.  If you choose the later, you must mention you are ‘keeping it real’ at least 4 times per episode. If you are a man, it is beneficial you enter the house with at least 13 inches rammed up your neverlands.  Finally, ALL LADIES must wait and not play with your Sweaty Bettys until Paris has left the room.

The Challenges –

These are fucking priceless. Paris sets them challenges to see “if they can live in her world”. No joking.  And time and time again, these fresh-faced toddlers get sent packing because “they can’t handle her world”.  Amazing! I mean they play truth or dare, go shopping, or get told secrets (they can’t tell anyone) and it’s the biggest challenge of their fucking lives. These cunts are not deluded, they are insane. And I love every one of them!

Walk in / TTYN / Walk out –

This part is the icing. The show is good up until the elimination THEN it becomes incredible. The retards wait, all lined up, sitting patiently. Paris walks in like a Queen, hand at hip, head up, eyes forward and sits down at her throne. She puts a few contestants “up for discussion”. They cry, they scream and Paris enjoys.  Then after eliminated, Paris says to her once potential best friend “TTYN… talk to you never”.  She then walks out, hand at hip – Amazing!

Paris is not just a socialite, heiress, media personality, model, singer, author, fashion designer, actress and entrepreneur, but is a role model to us all.