A selected correspondence between Dr Joe Crogan and Greggs PLC

Hello,

I have enjoyed and been a fan of your pastry products for many years, and they have lead to several succesfull lunchtimes, let me tell you!

I am writing to ask if it would be possible for you to give me some information regarding your pies for my personal database?

I’d like to know what your top 5 most popular savory products are?

Would it also be possible to have some promotional shots for my collection?

Thank you in advance, and I wish Greggs the best of luck in future.

Love

Dr Joe Crogan

Dear  Dr Crogan,

Thank you for contacting Greggs.

Our top 5 selling savoury lines are:

Sausage Roll
Corned Beef Pasty
Steak Bake
Chicken Bake
Pizza

I hope this is of some help.

Remember to quote your call reference number F0572951 in any
correspondence, as this will assist us in providing you with a
quick response.

Yours sincerely

Mary

Customer Care Team

Hello Mary and thank you for your  courtesy and speedy reply to my email. I asked if there was any way you could send my promo shots of the pastrys for my private needs (collection) it is my hobby you see.

Now i will quote the number. F0572951.

I am very surprised (maybe even shocked!) that the pizza is in the top 5, I do agree its tasty but with so many other fine products I was sure it wouldn’t make the cut.

Thanks again Mary,

Kindest regardon

Dr Joe Crogan M.P.D

Dear  Dr Crogan,

Thank you for contacting Greggs.

I am sorry I am not able to send you any photos but good luck with your collection

Remember to quote your call reference number F0572951 in any
correspondence, as this will assist us in providing you with a
quick response.

Yours sincerely

Mary

Dear Mary Greggs,

Thank you for your speedy & polite reply. That is unfortunate to hear about the photos. Would it be possible for me to organise taking photos in store? I’d only need a few minutes and my friend Jeff (I don’t know his second name) is willing to let me borrow his camera.

Here is the number F0572951.

Please let me know if this would be okay.

Kind regards,

Dr Joe Crogan

Dear Dr Crogan,

I am sorry but I am unable to organise such a request, however I am authorised to refer you to the promotional shots found on our website.

Remember to quote your call reference number F0572951 in any
correspondence, as this will assist us in providing you with a
quick response.

Yours sincerely

Mary

Hello Mary,

It is unfortunate to hear about the photos, as the ones on the website just don’t do your pies justice.

I know this may be seen as taking liberties with our friendship, but I have decided to go ahead and take the photos in store, without your permission.

I know this may be considered rude, but I have considered all my other options, and you have left me no choice. I have put my affairs in order, and said goodbye to my son, Croglette.

I will now quote the number for the final time. F0572951.

I will leave you with a quote that has seen me through many a dark day:

“Quand le bllod de mes courses de frère comme une mort de rivière viendra nier ceux qui me trahit, et les ans de torture de mort diabolique tuent mon visage”

Goodbye Mary.

Dr Joe Crogan P.D.F

Merry Christmas Everybody!

Boy, I bet you can’t wait to take that Boxing day shit and see how well you’ve done. But this year hasn’t been all satisfying, there was some bad points.

Some of us went and spent all our euros, and now can’t even afford to kill themselves.

BUT!

On the other hand we got some good stuff like:

So I guess it evens out.

MERRY XMAS FAGS!

If I had to fuck a guy, who would make the top 5? (Part 1: Numbers 5 – 3)

Special mention 1^st has to go to 2 guys that nearly made the list – Brando and Macaulay Culkin. Brando as I could have tucked him into bed like a giant baby, singing “who’s a wee fatty?” as I played with his big saggy balls. Macaulay Culkin (in home alone) as he was a little prick that needed a good pumping. Would have enjoyed flushing his head down the toilet as I ejaculated a mixture of cum and rumpuss down his neck. Yummy.

Read the full story

Living and working in the ‘professional’ world can bring a man to do some strange things. Essentially, to avoid such things as boredom, insanity and killing cunts. One of my favourites is spotting sneaky poos!

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I got a very nice email from a lawyer, Barrister John Marak Esq. As with most emails from legal cunts, I opened it gingerly. (I do most things gingerly to be honest)

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When I started facebook I thought it would be like myspace, but with a white background, but it was not to be! Instead my so called friends actually used it to try and hurt my feelings!

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Like many of you I exist on earth at the same time of “CREDIT CRUNCH” or what the Norwegians like to call “No euro Tuesday”. However, with my advanced CPU and massive digital cock, I have devised several strategies for beating the crunch upon credit, and sailing away into a sunset made from ice cream and euros.

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I was watching star trek last night and a man with a pair of tights on his face and an old lady hair cut spent the entire hour episode talking to a fried egg.

“holy shit this is fucking crap!”

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Holy fucking shit. There is a Seinfeld porno!

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James and Pankun help each other do some situps. nice.