A selected correspondence between Dr Joe Crogan and Greggs PLC

Hello,

I have enjoyed and been a fan of your pastry products for many years, and they have lead to several succesfull lunchtimes, let me tell you!

I am writing to ask if it would be possible for you to give me some information regarding your pies for my personal database?

I’d like to know what your top 5 most popular savory products are?

Would it also be possible to have some promotional shots for my collection?

Thank you in advance, and I wish Greggs the best of luck in future.

Love

Dr Joe Crogan

Dear  Dr Crogan,

Thank you for contacting Greggs.

Our top 5 selling savoury lines are:

Sausage Roll
Corned Beef Pasty
Steak Bake
Chicken Bake
Pizza

I hope this is of some help.

Remember to quote your call reference number F0572951 in any
correspondence, as this will assist us in providing you with a
quick response.

Yours sincerely

Mary

Customer Care Team

Hello Mary and thank you for your  courtesy and speedy reply to my email. I asked if there was any way you could send my promo shots of the pastrys for my private needs (collection) it is my hobby you see.

Now i will quote the number. F0572951.

I am very surprised (maybe even shocked!) that the pizza is in the top 5, I do agree its tasty but with so many other fine products I was sure it wouldn’t make the cut.

Thanks again Mary,

Kindest regardon

Dr Joe Crogan M.P.D

Dear  Dr Crogan,

Thank you for contacting Greggs.

I am sorry I am not able to send you any photos but good luck with your collection

Remember to quote your call reference number F0572951 in any
correspondence, as this will assist us in providing you with a
quick response.

Yours sincerely

Mary

Dear Mary Greggs,

Thank you for your speedy & polite reply. That is unfortunate to hear about the photos. Would it be possible for me to organise taking photos in store? I’d only need a few minutes and my friend Jeff (I don’t know his second name) is willing to let me borrow his camera.

Here is the number F0572951.

Please let me know if this would be okay.

Kind regards,

Dr Joe Crogan

Dear Dr Crogan,

I am sorry but I am unable to organise such a request, however I am authorised to refer you to the promotional shots found on our website.

Remember to quote your call reference number F0572951 in any
correspondence, as this will assist us in providing you with a
quick response.

Yours sincerely

Mary

Hello Mary,

It is unfortunate to hear about the photos, as the ones on the website just don’t do your pies justice.

I know this may be seen as taking liberties with our friendship, but I have decided to go ahead and take the photos in store, without your permission.

I know this may be considered rude, but I have considered all my other options, and you have left me no choice. I have put my affairs in order, and said goodbye to my son, Croglette.

I will now quote the number for the final time. F0572951.

I will leave you with a quote that has seen me through many a dark day:

“Quand le bllod de mes courses de frère comme une mort de rivière viendra nier ceux qui me trahit, et les ans de torture de mort diabolique tuent mon visage”

Goodbye Mary.

Dr Joe Crogan P.D.F

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Smugley and decisevley Jemimah leaped into the sky, ripping his already soggy panties away, throwing caution and his pants to the wind.

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Joe Crogan gets caught stealing crisps on TV