Haunting memories…

If you are  like me,  crushing guilt and unbearable despair are a part of everyday life.

However, theres no need agonise over that one terrible day forever, you need to get on with things!

Unfortunately, we live in a world of health and saftey laws, psychological awareness and caring people. For self harm enthusiasts, it has become more and more difficult to punish oneself for thy wicked crimes.

Over the years I’ve ammased a libary of effective and efficent ways to really wash the gulit away.

Here are some of my top tips for punishing thyself :

Hand in a drawer

An easy punishment to start off with, even novice punishment enthusiasts can acheive impressive results quickly and easily. The good thing about this punishment is you can make it appear accidental.

Variations include the finger crush and knee in a cupboard.

This punishment can be performed during the day and repeated as and when feelings of remorse overwhelm you.

The Toe Stub

An oldie but a goodie. To perform simply remove any protective footwear and walk forcefully at speed, taking care to look  upwards or away from the direction your travelling. The law of physics dictate that you will eventually smash your toe into something like a door or table leg.

Bonus: If you aren’t looking where you are going you will evenutally collide with a wall or maybe even a car!

Gravity: not just for faggots

Gravity is often a useful ally in the quest for punishing yourself.  Mixing gravity with stairs and bringing other fun objects into the equation prevents you getting bogged down in the same routine.

Getting into a fight

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This is a fairly advanced technique although many attempt it and get it wrong. It may appear simple, but a beginner can make many mistakes.

For instance, the right location is crucial. Is it heavly populated? Will the police be called? Does your assailant have mates who would join in?

Getting the right motivation is also an important part in getting beat up. Try and analyse your would be beater. Football fans will always respond well to insulting their team. I find insults always work best when they are inaccurate i.e calling a straight white guy a “niggerfag” usually gets them steamed at you.

You have to walk the fine line between just being a wank, and being overly aggressive. You must first get inside their head, and really give them a reason to want to pulp your face in.

Top tip: If you are physically aggresive to a woman, men will automatically want to take action against you (Knight in shinning armour syndrome) Remember the more attractive the better!

Remember, the more variety in your routine, the less likely you will get bored! Always be on the lookout for new objects or areas that could help aid your punishing.

Good luck, niggerfags!